tHe BaTtLe...

Trying to fight with your feelings and holding back your tears is one difficult thing to do, and that’s what I am battling… Each individual have their own weaknesses, and I for one, hate being weak… I’ve been through a lot as I journey to life, from childhood to teenage years and now being an adult… Never in my thought that I will have this kind of burden… A dilemma which I don’t have the hands to maneuver… Maybe for some it may seem not a big deal but you will not feel exactly the same way I/we do as long as you’re not in my/our shoes…

Enough for that introduction, what am I really up to? First, let me out from this dark shell and give me a chance to talk… Last New Year, I promised myself that I will stop/minimize ranting, but what can I do, I really can’t help it… For quite sometime I am battling with my emotions along with my tears and it’s never that easy… We’re part of this TTC group and it’s been a year since we tried to conceive on a natural way with no luck… To start the New Year right, we decided to visit an OB late December 2007… They took the necessary test required to come up with probable cause of Infertility (a couple may be treated as infertile if they past 1 year of trying)… All results came out normal and I am happy about it, and TVU went good as well, I can still vividly recall when she said “Your O is so beautiful and there’s nothing to worry about”, it’s the 3rd time I heard that quote… From that day, my worries slowly fade away and I started to live with positive thoughts everyday…

Come January 2008, first cycle came, just in time for the first fertility work up… I was prescribed to take Clomid 50mg for 5 consecutive days starting from the 2nd day of the period… On 12th till the 15th day of my cycle I have to go to the clinic for the Follicular monitoring / study… During those visits I have this positive vibes, especially when I came to know that the egg has its perfect size with normal endo lining and I do ovulate on time… Everything seems to be a breeze and all we have to do is to pray and stay positive… TWW is so slow, it was the longest waiting time ever… While everything looks perfect and your hopes are up high, all of sudden your unexpected period came… My world suddenly stop, I tried to keep myself calm before anything else… I console myself, believing that there’s still next time… Not wanting hubby to see me sad, I pretended that things are ok and we’ll definitely hit the next round…

Life goes on, took another Clomid 50mg for the 2nd cycle… During the TWW my insanity begins… This coming March 2008 I am expecting my monthly visit to arrive, but instead of wanting the TWW to end, I am praying for that day not to come… Now I can truly relate to those TTC, it is difficult to face each cycle and to accept the possibility of getting a negative result… Honestly, I want to give up with this kind of work ups because it adds much pressure and more expectations… I don’t know, I really don’t know… My heart says to stop but my mind tells me to fight… Well, I don’t have any idea what will be next… How long it will take? Hubby is always telling me not to pressure myself and always stay happy, but how can I manage to keep me cool? Maybe I don’t have enough patience or maybe I am not strong enough to handle this kind of situation in which I never thought of stepping foot in this scenario… It's like a roller coaster ride from cycle to cycle...

Baby boom is just around the corner, I know it will never stop and will never ever leave my way… Few days from now will be hubby’s birthday and a bundle of joy will be a perfect present to somebody who deserves to receive a priceless gift… I maybe asking way beyond my control but I have the strong faith to believe that surely god will grant us the precious gift…

I hope this post didn’t void my New Year’s resolution that I’ll keep myself away from ranting, I’m just simply sharing my story to you guys, eeahhh!!!
As what they always say, "When it Rains it Pours"

and

"There’s always sunshine after the rain".

I guess the best thing to do is to pray and keep the faith…

sPeeD tEsT...

58 words

Speedtest

Hmmm, seems i'm just on the average, not bad!

well, i find this pretty cool!

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Got curious how fast you type?

Come on give it a try...

aLL aBoUt V-dAy...

After almost 12 years of being together (9 1/2 years bf / gf & 2 years married) and as far as I recall, this is the first time we actually celebrated V-day… Years back, a bouquet of roses and if chances are, we simply have our pre / post V-day dinner somewhere informal, in this sense it made our V-day complete… This year it’s a little different, aside from the bouquet of roses I received from hubby, we also had dinner on V-day itself… What makes it more different from the usual is that hubby & I decided to watch a concert… Since it’s one of his favorite Filipino bands, without any hesitation he booked a ticket for the V-day Concert of South Border – The Reunion with Luke Mejares & Jay Durias at Al Nasr Leisure Land, Dubai… We arrived quite early in the venue, anticipating that the place will be crowded and finding a parking space will be a nightmare… To our surprise, it was the opposite of what we’ve expected, parking is doubly easy and even the venue is not jammed… The show started at around 10:30 pm and ended at 12:30 am… To sum it up, the show is considerably good…

Here are some of our photos before and during the concert…

I’m sure all of you guys had the sweetest big bang during V-day!!!

mY mAg TaG...

I’ve done this recently, but still I'm glad that i will be doing it again, thanks Kaye for the tag...

Get your own here
**********

Feel free to grab this tag...
~~~ooOoo~~~

it's been quite sometime since my last post...
I owe you guys our V-day story... i'll be posting it soon...

For the meantime, here's some photos of our Eid Holiday escapades last December 2007... Ciao!!!

hApPy HeArTs DaY...

To my knight in shining armor

You will always be the

Thank you for the love and for being supportive all this time…

Words are not enough to express how much

…

Here’s a big for you!

---ooo---ooo---ooo---

Spreading the Love to everybody!!!

Share Love and Be blessed!

vOgUe...

Got bored and nothing much to do, so here i am playing around and found this very cute...

PiXiE tAg...

Thanks Mari for the TAG...

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This is the PIXIE TAG. It simply says:
Just wanted to spread the magic by giving you this exclusive Pixie dust. After all, this is the place where dreams come true. Now you can spread a little magic of your own. Pass this pixie dust to your friends.

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And now I am sharing it to anyone who wants to grab it...

May 2008 be our year :)

hApPy TrEaT...

Our 2nd Wedding Anniversary fall on a week day which means we’ll have only a little time to celebrate it… Hubby makes it a point to pick me up from work (which he seldom does ‘coz of his work loads) then we headed back to their office to collect some important documents… Traffic was too bad so it took us an hour before reaching their office and it only took him 2 minutes in collecting the documents, gosh, too bad ‘coz it’s only 15 minutes away from my work… After that, we headed to Deira, Dubai to have dinner… We heard a lot of stories about this Shabu-Shabu thing and we’ve been curious about it, then we decided to try it one time to justify their stories… So we ordered this Shabu-Shabu meal for 2, Noodles, Mixed Fried Rice and Fried Chicken Wings… The Verdict, well it’s not really that good either that bad, all I can say is, it simply justify the price that you pay… Nevertheless, it's quite a good meal… And since it’s freezing cold outside and yet a little bit early we decided to have some hot coffee at Starbucks… We just sat there and read the News paper while enjoying every sip of our hot coffee… At 10-ish PM we decided that it’s time to go for the next day will be another working day…

The Gifts… Well, after a long search, we finally found a Couple’s Watch of our choice (this was included in my xmas wishlist)… Geeeshhhh, It took so much of our time searching for this but it’s all worth the effort… Lovin’ this Leather Couple’s Watch from Emporio Armani… Got a good deal with this, we told them that it will be our Anniversary gift, tadaaa, they gave us 15% discount plus free perfumes… So nice of them, we saved few bucks out of it… Wait, it didn’t stop from there, since I am a gold freak and jewelry addict we decided to grab something from our favorite jewelry shops… And we got this cute bracelet (for hubby) and this pretty set of earrings and necklace (for me)… Never mind the price as long as we are both happy in celebrating this special day…

dO's AnD dOnT's...

Just want to share something interesting...

Got this from the Web while surfing, i hope it make sense...

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What Not To Say...

Don't ask a childless person when they are going to have a child. They may be going through the process of trying to conceive but have not yet achieved success. Asking them only reminds them of their problem. They need no extra reminders.

Don't relate stories of your fertility to them. Hearing "my husband just has to look at me and I get pregnant" is very annoying. While well-meaning, the statement is insensitive.

Don't give advice such as "just relax," "you are trying too hard" or "take a cruise." All of these very common comments imply that the couple have control of their fertility. Most of the time, these couples have absolutely no control over their fertility. Implying control leads to feelings of failure and guilt when this advice doesn't work.

Don't offer advice such as sexual timing, position, herbal medications or other totally unproven therapies. There are literally hundreds of old-wife's-tails that, when followed, can drive an infertile patient nearly crazy. Their physician will have covered those natural aspects of their care that may maximize their chances for conception. Once again, please to not imply that they have a sense of control.

Don't express your derogatory personal opinions regarding insemination procedures, test-tube babies or adoption. Sometimes, these are their only hope for having a child. These are your opinions and uninvited advice is rarely desired nor constructive. You are absolutely entitled to your opinion, simply keep it your own. If they ask for your advice, then feel free to state your opinions, but do so in a kind and considerate manner.

Don't place blame by accusing the couple of exercising too much, eating the wrong foods or drinking alcohol. These couples may already be blaming themselves. Their physician will have already covered the medical and reproductive consequences of obesity, smoking, alcohol and recreation drugs. Support them in the cessation of these activities and minimize the guilt associated with their consumption. The guilt rarely leads to cessation but often moves the individual to increased consumption.

What You Can Say and Do...

Do provide couples with plenty of emotional support by saying "It must be difficult to go through this" and "I'm here to listen if you need to talk."

Do remember that men can be just as emotional about the problem, sometimes even more so. They may feel their masculinity is at risk.

Do understand the couple's need for privacy.

Do try to understand that if they are your employees, frequent doctor's appointments may be necessary during business hours. Please try to accommodate them as much as possible. Not doing so may also be construed as a form of discrimination and place you at legal risk.

Do understand why they may not make it to a baby shower or a holiday event. These frequent events can become overwhelming for an infertile couple.

Do tell the infertile couple that there is hope.
Please be kind, thoughtful and always be supportive.

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Baby Dust to All...