No decent post for the past weeks? Am I lost or what?!? Bitterness hits to its toll… How to yank things out?!? Life has been so stressful and mind blowing this past weeks, then who to blame?---my flaring hormones?!? Well, I had enough but I’m not giving up… Baby boom keeps on going, is the line too long, any space for me to ditch in… When can the word pregnancy be “music to my ears”? When can the site of preggo mama’s be “pleasing to my eyes”? When can baby stuffs be the “main reason for me to shop”? When can my closet be full of “preggy wardrobes”? When is the right time meant right? Can anybody tell me when?!? While writing this post, I can't help myself but cry… I pity myself to the extent that i feel I can’t do anything… I believe in the power of prayers and miracles, but I feel helpless, how can you achieve something that you want if you are not exerting extra effort to achieve your goal, I know God do wonders but we have to give our fair share to fulfill what we wished/prayed for… How can I fire words to someone with all my grievances if he’s not at fault? This blog allows me to express all my grumble, angst and fear, I feel better while writing it all down… I am a prey of my own qualms…I want to be happy, well who doesn’t?... All the material things that I have is my way of covering my loneliness and bitterness, I became shopping freak because I want to cover up the missing piece,there are things that money can’t buy, only combined prayers and efforts will give me the answer…The husband keeps on asking me why I hate being with this not so sensitive couple who have gone through the same situation (which is way longer as I know), I hate them for not being sensitive and keeps on bragging about their pregnancy, have you forgotten that once we're on the same boat? I assume you know how it feels, so don’t push me to do a thing which is out of my control… I am happy for you because few months from now you’ll be holding your bundle of joy --- a bundle of joy that I am praying for… I hate to see your bulging tummy as if you are slapping my face more than 10 times… I hate your better half whenever he brags about your pregnancy as if he doesn’t care about the feelings of the people that surround him… Yah, you’re right I am BITTER, ENVY and such a LOSER --- I am one over acting LOSER, this couple should be proud because someone like me envied them --- enough said… The husband is wondering what’s up with me, I know he doesn’t fully understand what I am going through even if I have explained it a million times… I hate arguments well instead of debating I’ll keep myself mum and cry to sleep… The pressure that he has is only bits of what I am experiencing… Sorry for I’ve been so mean, maybe because I am at the stage where most women had or having a baby or am I such a filthy freak …
I am down to ground zero, recuperating from the hardships of being a woman… I am sick and tired in covering up my disappointments in life… Well, reality bites and I hate it when it strikes me… At this point, I want to change my life starting from changing my job, my life style, myself and everything that can keep me pre-occupied…
Life Changing is not easy but never difficult if you have the confidence to do it…
Prayers can move mountains but you have to make your own move to make it possible…
Miracles do happen but don’t just keep believing you have to do something to make it happen…
Oh lil' baby, can't wait to hold your tiny little hands...
When?!? Only time can tell...
5 comments:
thanks sis, i'm so happy coz there are people like you who understands... there are times n it's hard to face the reality, kya lng there's no use of hiding the truth diba? talagang reality bites...
yep, its very difficult to speak out kc i dont know how people will react, pro sometimes you'll feel lighter whenever you speak your mind and express your feelings...
thank you for giving me the courage to stand still....
i hope our time will come soon......
maybe God is just testing your patience. He knows what we need & what we want and He'll give it to us when the time is perfect.
keep praying.
i am in the same boat sis! nung binabasa ko post mo parang i was seeing myself last saturday... i have been so emotional (crying myself out- as in!) - alam mo ung thought na one week from now I would be a year older and still childless. nagsasawa na rin ako na magpatingin sa doctor. i stopped actually kaya no updates or post about fertility sa blog ko.
i am at the point na rin na i question myself na what have i done to deserve this. sino ba talga me problema - ako o si hubby? kailangan ba talga malaman who has the problem? bakit nabubuntis ung mga di kasal? bakit umiiyak ako pag me nabalitaan ako na buntis? marami pa yang mga questions and thoughts na minsan sobrang nagiging OA na di ba? pero these are the things that we, childless couples experience.
sis, though the answers are not there.. we just have to be strong. i think me stage lang talga na parang ganito ung na-fefeel natin pero deep down alam naman natin na kailangan lang more patience and prayers.
haba na pala nito.. sige minsan chika tayo YM? lols. parang i've so much to share noh? hay 7 years is long na din siguro. cheer up sis! :)
Aidisan i agree with you! i know it's not in our hands! my faith in GOD keeps me strong and im willing to wait no matter how long, it's just the emotions kicking!
thanks for the kind words!
hi Arlene,thanks for dropping by! hay, we share the same experience and most likely the same feelings, we're eaten by our emotions! sometimes feeling mo your alone and you want to put the blame on yourself, pro senseless nman! kkapagod din umiyak, minsan nga all i want to do is Shout as in super loud pra lng maging magaan ung loob ko...
Dahil frustrated tyo, there are lots of questions popping in, n hindi nman nten mpigilan n itanong sa sarili nten in which makes us feel more down and stressed out, tpos considering our age pa kya mega panic mode n tyo, syempre our body clock is also fast moving...
korek k, all we need is patience coupled by prayers! dpat hindi tyo tumigil sa pag-pray hangang makulitan n si papa jesus :-)kaya lang, we can not guarantee na di n tyo matotorete! sometimes it's better to cry yourself out, khet ma-miss interpret p ng iba o sabihin nila n OA tyo, keber, basta we're able to release the negatives...
sure YM tyo minsan, i'll be glad kc i know i will learn lots of things from you! wow, 7 years, i salute you for the patience you have stored over the years...
take care & hang in there sis, our turn will come (di kc tyo marunong sumingit eh, yan tuloy naiwan tyo sa pila :-))
kisses...
Post a Comment