nEvEr EaSy...

And so to speak, here I am ranting... blah-blah-blah!!! I promise long time back that I will stop myself from ranting and I am glad that I was able to keep mum for quite a long time... But now I guess I have to break my own rule and start telling my tale...

Why me, why us? Until now those questions of mine are still left unanswered... It’s either I’m playing deaf so as not to hear the heart breaking answer... Oh well, it hurts and I feel heavy specially when I learned about the pregnancy of my sister... Honestly, when I came to find out I cried a river of tears as if I was stubbed a thousand times, don’t get me wrong as I am happy for her/them but yet it’s the envy feeling that’s eating the person in me... Call me bitter, weirdo, lunatic, freak bitch, whatsoever and for whoever accused me, well you don’t know how I feel or have never been to my position... While those who are in my league I know that you’ll understand me to death...

Until now it pains me whenever I see women with their proud round bellies, how I wish I am one of them... Will I ever get to experience carrying a precious life inside my womb? Would I/we ever see the product of our genes? Would my sweet little pea be like me or hubby? ---???????----- For the past years I have cried a bucket of tears, tears brought by immense pain from a dreadful trying to conceive... In the long run I thought that the pain will turn to numbness and our ttc battle will be a piece of cake...

We did stop ttc for a year or so as I/we are dead tired of getting BFN, I thought of giving up and let god alone to decide and declare our fate. Until one day I came to realize that god will surely do his thing but we also have our part to make our prayers come to life and so here we go again working our ass to have our work done.

We're still hopeful as miracles could happen and so we're keeping the faith.