bAbY MuSiNg...

As l write on this online journal, a wild thought of posting on something about how it feels to be a mom in the making and/or being a parent, will we ever reach that day? When is someday by the way? Today I concede, I grieve as I speak, knowing that it’s very difficult to tackle this issue especially for those who are mom wannabe’s…

Sour grapping it may sound but this is how it really feels… Sadness, anguish, hatred, anxious, self pity accompanied by stress and depression keeps me company… I will be sarcastic if I will say I don’t envy pregnant women around, it’s just a matter of uncontrollable gush… When everyone I know started to utter, “hey, how’s the baby making” or “when will you have a baby” or “why until now you don’t have a baby” oh whatta F****** s**T… Honestly, I hate being questioned… More often I feel sick and tired of hearing those questions… Errrrrr, will you wait and be patient enough… I don’t want to loose hope but the pressure around me/us keeps on hurting me… Even when we’re out and as expected we’ll find happily married couples who are expecting to have their baby and having the best time of their lives, for me this scenario seems to be a nightmare… Should I have to stay at home and close my eyes whenever I am out --- stupid thing… Do I have to freak out? I know our turn will come, but when - @3%$^&**!*? Absolutely this is horrifying… Let me calm myself, there are couples out there who have been waiting for years now, some are still TTC, some are under medication and treatment such as IVF and have seen an RE to check fertility issues… Yet, we haven’t reached any of that stage, but here I am so upset and freaking out…

A good friend of mine (compliments for trix) who have supported me during my ordeal… She’s absolutely the right person to talk to about this mind wrecking subject… she have suffered a lot, the pain I have is just nothing from what she have gone through, it was really a traumatic experience I may say… She’s one of the toughest women I have known… And I thank GOD for giving me such a good friend like her whom I can confide and discuss anything under the sun… How I wish I was strong like her… Of course it’s good to be blessed with a supportive and understanding hubby who always showed me the real meaning of life… Hubby always tells me to move on and leave it all to GOD for he is saving the BEST for us… I agree, it will not happen in a snap, it will be given when the right time comes…

I never thought of divulging this kind of issue for I know it’s quite sensitive, but this blog was been my outlet, whatever I feel, whatever I think, whatever I do I make it a point to put in writing, because for me that's one way of expressing my ample thoughts and feelings… This is the affliction of our life… It may sound odd but that what comes within… As we succumb with life thingies, we never loose hope that one day it will come our way...

We believe in the power of prayers...
We will surely surpass whatever we’re going through…
GOD is great and GOD loves us…

Keep the ball rolling...