Got a horrible headache this morning, been crying all night ‘til the wee hour… hubby tried his best to comfort me and stay up late just to calm me while I’m in the midst of agony, while my tears doze me to sleep… my world suddenly stops and I can’t do anything about it! I hate being weak and too emotional, I hate bumping to news which gives me the reason to pity myself… It sounds weird but I really find it hard dealing about it! I want to hold back my tears and keep me calm, but unfortunately I can’t help it neither I can’t even hide what I really feel… My heart starts to sink, I wish I can face such news positively and be happy about it but here I am with puffy eyes, can’t deny that I cried all night… I hope this dilemma will soon end and I pray to god to guide me in moving on… This doesn’t mean that I am not happy upon hearing it, this may sound weird but honestly I’m glad about it and I want to be part of this happiest moment… My mind says to take it positively but my heart asks me to cry to free my negative feelings… How I wish I’m numb and forgetful, to make it easy for me to move on… Until when will I dwell with this insecurity? Can somebody wake me up or put me inside a cage where I will not see anybody neither hear anything or can i freeze the world and stop everything just for awhile? Now, I’m thinking to withdraw the idea of socializing… For now, all I want is to be alone and find myself… Find the place where I really belong, accept the truth and face the reality without bitterness… geeeezzz, I have to find ways to deviate my attention, I have to keep myself busy, but how? Oh god, am I such a freak? As day’s flies, the pressure keeps adding up, oh my, please somebody stop me from ranting… I may sound bitter but who the hell cares about it…
To hubby,
I know you’ll be reading this but please don’t be upset, let this journal carry all my ramblings which I want to get rid off… Whenever I see you sad it breaks my heart into pieces… You are such a wonderful man and I can’t ask for more and you deserve to be happy… I hate to think that god is punishing me… Honey, please help me pray for forgiveness, I know he’ll listen… I want to stop crying but while writing this, tears slowly drips, well, if this is the only way to ease the pain then let me cry ‘til my eyes run dry…
Honey, keep the faith and hold on with me… Be strong for I am getting strength from you… I love you more than words can say!!! Marrying you is the best thing that happened to me…
I am not loosing hope that one day emptiness will be fill-in and we’ll be “Complete”… I believe that soon we’ll reach the end of the rainbow with tremendous happiness along with our most precious bundle of joy…
To hubby,
I know you’ll be reading this but please don’t be upset, let this journal carry all my ramblings which I want to get rid off… Whenever I see you sad it breaks my heart into pieces… You are such a wonderful man and I can’t ask for more and you deserve to be happy… I hate to think that god is punishing me… Honey, please help me pray for forgiveness, I know he’ll listen… I want to stop crying but while writing this, tears slowly drips, well, if this is the only way to ease the pain then let me cry ‘til my eyes run dry…
Honey, keep the faith and hold on with me… Be strong for I am getting strength from you… I love you more than words can say!!! Marrying you is the best thing that happened to me…
I am not loosing hope that one day emptiness will be fill-in and we’ll be “Complete”… I believe that soon we’ll reach the end of the rainbow with tremendous happiness along with our most precious bundle of joy…
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